“Is it worth it? Are you happy in your life having a child?”
These blunt questions stopped thousands mid-scroll. Posted from bed by a mindset coach called Kate, the post quickly went viral on TikTok (@alignment_with_koko), amassing over 393,000 views.
Newsweek spoke to the 35-year-old woman about her clip captioned: “Help a millennial gal out,” and her thoughts and fears on parenthood.
Kate, who lives in the U.K. told Newsweek that the flood of responses initially put her off motherhood—but after another conversation with her 39-year-old fiancé, the couple have decided they’d like to be “one and done.”
In the video, Kate explained that her partner wants to be a dad, but she remains undecided and would like more time. However, fertility in women is known to steadily decline with age.
She explains that she is “terrified” of becoming a mom. She told Newsweek: “My fears are losing freedom, being far from family—I live in the UK, and my family is in Ireland—so I wouldn’t have help from my mom when I’m struggling.
“I worry about losing my identity and not being able to sleep when I want. Kids aren’t cheap either.”
According to newly released data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), Kate’s hesitation is not unusual. U.S. fertility rates have reached a historic low, falling below 1.6 children per woman.
Financial concerns, shifting priorities, and changing cultural expectations are major factors behind the decline.
A Shift in Perspective
Kate told Newsweek: “I’m engaged, and I’ve been with my partner for almost eight years. I’ve never been one of those women who always knew they wanted to be a mom. In my 20s, I thought I would be, because that’s what you’re brought up to believe.
“But things have changed—women today are much more career-focused, and we want to live life on our own terms. We’re not baby-making machines. That realization opened up a whole new perspective for me.”
On July 5, feeling like she was “overthinking,” Kate turned to the internet for advice. She never expected her post to blow up—but it quickly attracted almost 10,000 comments.
What the Internet Said
Responses ranged from blunt warnings to bittersweet reflections.
“I’m a mum. And yes you’d die for them blah blah blah but no. I’d never have any if I could do it again,” one user wrote.
“Having children is both the best and worst thing I ever did simultaneously,” shared another.
“I hesitated for [years] and constantly felt like I needed more time hoping I would become the ‘motherly’ type. When I finally caved I realized that the only regret I had is not having children earlier… because now I have less time in my mind,” said a third.
A fourth commenter wrote: “My childfree older friends regret not having kids and my older friends who have had kids say it wasn’t worth it. The grass is always greener, people moan. You will be happy and disappointed with whatever decision you choose.”
Kate admitted the comments surprised her.
She said: “I was shocked by how open and honest people were in the comments. I was also shocked by how many women struggle in motherhood.
“We’re painted a picture that you’ll never experience a love like it—but people aren’t as open about the mental strain and financial impact. That freaked me out even more, and I regretted even sharing the video.”
Final Decision
Initially, the viral feedback made Kate lean toward staying child-free. But conversations with close friends who have children, and with her partner, shifted her perspective.
“It made me realize I can’t compare my situation to strangers online when I don’t know their relationships,” she said.
“Without kids, I’d have more freedom and money. But when I’m with family and see all the generations together, it’s lovely. It makes me think about when I’m older—freedom would be great, but it would also be special to have a ‘mini-me’ with my partner. We’re good people, and it would be nice to create another good human being.”
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